Incest - The Game The Whole Family Can Play

Well I don't know about you people but the following two photos disturb me. I mean look at what they're doing. My feelings are obviously a result of pure jealousy ... and do they really need to show off like that? Much more disturbing though is this picture. Licking their own bits is one thing but to lick each others? Can't get them spayed for another three months either.

Some Things Never Change

We held our first social function here yesterday. The result? Seven really pissed people and horrible hangovers today. Makes me think it wasn't our friends in Sydney after all and maybe it's just us. These locals sure know how to knock em back. Even the 70 odd year old woman demolished two bottles of wine all on her own. I'm betting she didn't have a monster hangover like us either as there's obviously years of practice to stay so coherent after so much alcohol. Cow Bay may not have a very large population but Betty Ford would make a lot of money if she opened up a clinic here. All up it was a fantastic afternoon. Everyone arrived around 1.oo and we fired up the BBQ. Lots of good food and conversation. We were obviously doing something right as not only did everyone know each other but they all got along really well too. The kids even managed to behave themselves. They have taken a real shining to Dave's wife Debbie (Brian's wife is also Betty so I'm trying to convince Mark he needs to change his name to something starting with S, maybe Simon, Stuart or even Stanley. He's not buying the idea though). They spent most of the day sleeping. I think they were a little freaked by so many people being there.

Sylvester has started taking on some rather disturbing habits. His boozing and smoking is starting to become a real concern. We just turned around and found him like this at one point.

Meet Victa

I finally managed to mow the lawns on Friday afternoon and here's the dirty mower to prove it.

Isn't he sexy? It took me an hour and a half but the result was well worth the effort. Not sure it was worth the blisters, though I did look manly in those new workboots.

I did have to imprison the puppies to achieve this result and they weren't happy with me.

They did stop crying (her) and howling (him) long enough for me to take this photo though. Yes I will one day read the manual for the camera and work out how to use the red eye reduction thingy. In the meantime you have hellhounds (kinda appropriate really).

A Question For The Masses

At what point does a male dog learn to cock his leg instead of squatting?

Many Many More Things

OOPS It's been a few days since I last put something up here and now I have too much to write about. Oh well, you get that, but I know I must keep on top of it as there are a few of you relying on this blog for your daily dose of the giggles. Puppy Update Sylvester and Daphne are growing so fast, him moreso than her. His facial features are looking more doggy and less puppy every day. He's also tanking out through the chest. We're off to the vet in two weeks for their boosters so it will be interesting to put him on the scales. In the three weeks we've had them I estimate he's put on at least five kilos.

Daphne on the other hand, though getting bigger is still very lean and still has the little puppy face. I'm starting to think she'll always be my little girl.

They are getting better as their training progresses. There's no more accidents in the house and they do come when called. As you can see from the above pics they have even mastered sit. Still having issues with stay, shake hands and fetch though. Some things never change and they're still trying to kill each other whenever they have the chance.

and they also switch between devils and angels in the blink of an eye.

I was also asked to provide some action shots, so I hope these do the trick. You can really see the size difference in some of them.

Sylvester was being a bit funny yesterday too. Daphne has always been the one to demand attention and physical contact but yesterday it was Sylvester's turn. I was happily lying down on the deck chair when all of a sudden my little man muscled his way in. Not to be outdone Daphne joined in too.

De-Generator

Last week was the week of water disasters. This week it's the generators turn. Remember Dave the generator guy? Well we had to call him in again on Sunday as the little monster just refused to start. Not good really. Fortunately it's been really sunny so the solar batteries are fully charged anyway. Turns out it was a flat battery so he jumpered it and all was good. That is until he was about to leave and realised the fan belt was slipping again. We had to get another fan belt (the right size this time) and get him back yesterday. When the old one was taken off it's teeth had been completely stripped ... and it was only a week old. The kids are now enjoying playing with it anyway.

I do realise I haven't shown any pictures of the generator yet. That's mainly because it's a fair trek from the house in it's own little shed and I'm just lazy. Well, it is a little shed compared to the one next to it at any rate.

I can just hear the cogs turning over as to why the generator needs its own shed. This next picture may shed some light on that.

Just a baby really. At least it is for a boat engine anyway.

The dramas are not over yet either. It's now not talking properly to the inverter (this thingy on the wall out the back)

and won't start itself off automatically. Dave should be back again this afternoon to sort that out.

I'm beginning to think I should treat the equipment like the puppies and just spank it when it misbehaves. It works for the puppies.

I Am The FlatPack Furniture King

Look at what I've been up to. It's amazing what I can do with an allen key and a screwdriver now that I have my toolbelt.

I have my media wall. Was so happy to find out OfficeWorks do the CD towers as our nearest Ikea is in Brisbane.

The office furniture is also super sexy (almost as sexy as Mark even) though I am still waiting on my vlecro cable ties to arrive from eBay. I'm amazed the technology of velcro cable ties doesn't appear to have made its way to Cairns yet.

And just in case you were wondering what it was, this funky little device is what controls out satellite internet connection.

I have even put together a little TV stand in the gym so Mark can watch his Jane Fonda workout videos.

Speaking of Mark

He's using his gym equipment and even seems to enjoy it. Those titties are looking great too.

Jurassic Mozzie Revisited

We found out a little bit more about Jurassic Mozzie. While he is a mozzie, he doesn't suck blood. These monsters feed on other mozzie larvae. Guess I won't be splatting any more of those.

Junior was here

... and then he was gone. I'm now down to 71kgs. That's the lowest I have been in over two years.

WOOHOO!!!

Porn Star Puppy

I think Sylvester has something he needs to tell us.

Going Batty

We have a resident microbat. Mark has named him Elvis. Well it was just one until last night anyway and then Priscilla showed up. I'm not sure we didn't even have Lisa-Marie as well. We didn't take this picture as they're just way too fast. I had to google this one.

Apparently they feed off insects so Elvis and entourage are allowed around whenever they like.

Also on the wildlife front, we have a footlong skink that's setup residence in the shed (the big one) and scared the absolute living shit out of me the other day when it came charging out of the pile of boxes waiting to go to the tip. It took a moment to realise it had legs but by then it was too late as I'd already soiled my underwear.

Yes It Is A Bolt

I know it's a bit odd posting a picture of a bolt on here but I am really impressed with myself. Today for the first time I used my drill for something other than hanging a mirror.

Blue Moon Rising

I have to share this as it was one of the most breathtakingly beautiful things I have ever seen. It was one of those moments that really captures the heart and you know that you will never see anything like it ever again in your lifetime. I just wish we'd taken the camera. We were on the stretch of road between Port Douglas and Cairns as the sun was setting last night. At the same time though, the moon was rising over the ocean. The moon was full and larger than I have ever seen it. Everything was blue ... the moon, the water, the islands, the sky and even the clouds.

Prison Break

We needed to go to Cairns last night to do some shopping. This is a much bigger task than it used to be as we now have the children. After much deliberation, we decided the laundry was the best place for them. Everything was set up perfectly and executed to perfection. We barricaded the exit from the laundry (it has no door) with boxes we still haven't managed to empty (nowhere to store all that porn, which is why we had to go shopping), filled their little dog bowls with food and water and dropped them in. While they were inhaling their food we bolted. Nearly two hours later we arrived in Cairns and went straight to Myer and were quite disturbed to find the place was deserted. Not of people though, but of merchandise. The furniture section was smaller than our living room. It was then off to the centre that has Freedom and Harvey Norman. Closed. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto. We were now left with Bunnings which fortunately was open. I should never be allowed in hardware stores. I now start to drool over items I have absolutely no need for. You should have seen me when I found the hard hats. Fortunately though I did manage to stay focused and we escaped only $350 poorer. Final stop was OfficeWorks where we got new chairs for the office. All we need now is the rest of the office furniture and for that we need Freedom. Mark has another trip to Cairns ahead of him on Saturday now. We arrived back home right on 10.30 which made the whole excursion a 5 1/2 hour round trip. Not even bothering to unload the car we bolted inside to check on the children and found ... They were having a great old time. Not sure how they managed it but they had somehow escaped. Everywhere we turned there were little yellow puddles. I think Mark counted 7 all up. She'd even done one in her bed. There were also a couple of steamers on either side of the living room. There is a god though, as I got the job of entertaining the kids while Mark cleaned up the mess. What we found really interesting though is they left everthing alone, apart from chewing on one of the boxes intended for their imprisonment.

Gremlins In The Water Revisited

Mark dragged me out of bed yesterday morning to tell me we had no water again. I mean what is up with that? It's like he actually expected me to do something about it. I think I grunted something about coffee and sat down at the table on the verandah. I may have been draped in Hugo Boss but even designer labels can't make me presentable at 6am. Coffee was placed in front of me and I began drinking. It was vile. There was a mischevious glint in Mark's eye as he told me I was drinking instant and pointed out that we didn't have enough bottled water to clean and prep the coffee machine. Needless to say that was enough to get me motivated and I threw on clothes, marinated in Aerogard again and attended to the water crisis. It only took me an hour to sort the problem out this time. The inline tap valve (just like the one on Tuesday) that leads to the tank from the pump was slightly open which meant that all the water pumped up on Tuesday had slowly managed to flow back to the creek. Bugger. After several trips to the creek to get water I finally managed to get the pump primed and the tank filled again. I also now have two 2 litre bottles of water hiding under the laundry sink specifically for priming the pump.

Puppies In Prison

In order for me to be able to get some things done around the house we decided to refence the puppy enclosure ... this time with wire. This is how I spent my early morning. It looks hideous but there's no way the mini houdini's can escape. I dropped them in at 10.00. They had their beds, all their toys and plently of water. To begin with it was all good as they hadn't yet realised they couldn't escape. About 15 minutes later the penny dropped and all hell broke loose. The next 2 hours were spent working away to the sounds of her crying and him howling. I felt really horrible, but I did get a lot of work done. We took them out at lunchtime, but after they ate they kept running away and wouldn't come back when I called. After the third time they did this I had to take drastic measures. I tracked the little monsters down in the rainforest and spanked them. After that they have been too scared to misbehave. They also refuse to give me cuddles. I feel really horrible about what I had to do. They are only just now coming back to me and giving me loving.

Jurassic Mozzie

This has to be seen to be believed. The following mosquito has not been photographed using a zoom lens. It really is THAT big.

I took this photo to put it in perspective.

Gremlins In The Water

I spent most of yesterday getting wet. Why you ask? Well let me tell you a story. Mark ran out of water during his shower in the morning. It was a safe assumption that the tank was empty and I needed to pump more up, so off I trotted into the rainforest and hooked up the pump, smelling like something out of a bad horror flick after marinating in tropical strength Aeroguard. After getting to the pump, I noticed that the white tail rats had been nibbling away at one of the hoses again, so armed with gaffa tape I patched up the holes in the hose. This was something of a thrill to me as up until now I had not used gaffa tape since my year 12 high school retreat where we taped up all the girls. I'm sure I still have the photos somewhere. Before judging on that please be aware they were all armed with shaving cream. I switched on the pump and watched as water shot out the sides of the gaffa tape. Note to self ... Add hoses to the list for the next hardware store run. Back in the house I checked that we had water and we did. Still couldn't have a shower as the hot water tank was empty. Kept pumping water and decided that as we were out completely I would leave it running until the tank overflowed. Three hours later said tank had just refused to overflow. I figured it had to be close so I switched off the pump. Five minutes later from Mark ... "sweetie, I have no water" Trot off to the shed and grab a couple of tap mechanisms as I figured the inline tap must be busted and water is flowing back to the creek. Get back to the hoses and check the tap ... It's fine ... bugger. A bit lost now, so I turn on the pump and check every last inch of hosing for leaks and there are none, not even the one I gaffa taped earlier. OOPS ... now pumping air. This time I end up in the creek to check the hose that goes into the water and it's attached footer valve. After several trips up to the pump and back to the creek I eventually realise that the pump needs to be primed. Not impressed as it's supposed to be self priming. Priming involves filling the hose that leads to the water source with water. Not as easy as it sounds when you have no water so it's another trip to the creek, armed with a bucket this time. Several false starts later we get it going. Check the house and water is flowing. Decide to do a test and switch the pump off again. No water. By this time I am almost able to be found rocking in a dark corner listening to Celine Dion. As I need a shower I decide to soldier on though ... and I found the culprit.

This ugly little piece of slimy plastic is the tap to the water tank. Inline, as in this photo, means the flow is open ... that's good. Crossways means no flow ... that's bad. Tap was crossways ... bugger.

Turn tap to ON, prime pump, pump water. Pump has been on for so long the generator kicks in for the second time today. Left the pump running for two hours and eventually managed to have a shower at 5pm.

I still have no idea how the tap was switched to off. Even the mischievous puppies are too small to have managed that one.

Just For Tishy

Because you asked nicely, here are the paintings in their natural habitat. They'll look even better when the walls have been deyellowed.

I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!!

I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!! I GOT MY TOOLBELT!!!!!

I Guess Thats Why It's Called A Rainforest

It is bucketing down outside ... and I mean bucketing. My path is flooded and the puppies are too scared to go outside. I've been cleaning up pee puddles all morning. It's like all their toilet training (which was going so well) has been forgotten. On the upside, they've been little angels all morning and done nothing but sleep on the couch. I have even been able to get all the DVD's out, cable tie the mess behind the entertainment unit and even get a few paintings up. Mark is in Port Douglas doing the grocery shopping. I really don't envy him being out in this weather but at least he doesn't have to do the drive to Cairns in the rain. He's stopping off at the hardware store in Port Douglas as well so maybe, just maybe, and trust me ... arms legs and everything else I can think of are crossed ... I will get my toolbelt. Oh yeah, and the fact I am even doing this means the internet still works even when it's shitty outside. That's great for both of us.

Deckchairs R Us

Mark came back from his shopping run in Cairns with deckchairs. Noice. They're great for just lying back with a bevy.

Or even just admiring the view from the verandah as the sun goes down.

The kids seem to like them too.

While we were lying out there talking I commented to Mark that we hadn't seen a cassowary yet. The words no sooner left my mouth when one came out of the trees only to disappear back into them. This happened all too fast and I didn't get the camera in time.

I did get my studfinder. Happy. Didn't get my toolbelt though. My masculinity feels diminished without that toolbelt.

No Pain No Gain

Sylvester's Dump Pose I know this is cruel but as I promised it I feel the need to deliver. Since last updating the blog I have been following the puppies around armed with the camera so I could get this shot. And here's another shot of the little darlings fighting. Nothing new there.

Many Many Things

I was told off yesterday because I wasn't updating this often enough. I honestly didn't think anyone really cared. Nice to know I have an audience. Puppy Update I have new names for the puppies. They're the Prince of Darkness (sincere apologies to Ozzy Osbourne) and the Queen of the Damned. While I write this, they are outside attempting to kill each other.

While a part of me knows this is not a good thing, there is another part telling me that if they suceed life will be a lot easier. But ... they are adorable and I do care so I better make sure they're ok ... which they were. Besides, I don't know how I'd cope if I never saw Sylvester hang a dump again. It truly is comical. He arches his back, has a very strained look on his face and he grunts with the effort. I laugh every time, but you probably didn't want to know that. If I ever catch it on camera I'll post it up here.

Speaking of dumps, ever wondered what cassowary crap looks like? Probably not is my guess, but here it is anyway.

Big eh? ... Looks tasty too. The dogs seem to like it anyway. Still yet to see one since we got here though. Just an owl on the night we arrived.

Yes I Have Been Working

The burden of providing proof that I have actually been busy working hard was dumped on me yesterday. Just charming that noone believes me capable of performing manual labour. Though to be honest I didn't either until I got here. Remember my little path? Well here it is.

I have also successfully managed to de-yellow the room that's been setup as the gym as well as assemble all of the gym equipment. The colour scheme in these photos is what we are going to use throughout the whole house. I still have a little touchup work to complete in here and the equipment needs to be positioned properly. I also haven't painted the door yet.

The Furniture Is In

All of the furniture arrived on Tuesday. Everything was sent up by train in a container. As a result the truck that delivered everything was huge. They even took out two trees getting in. Getting everything organised is one of the reasons it has been so long since I updated this. Here are a few pics to show you how it's all come together. There is still a lot of empty space which means I get to go shopping ... WOOHOO!!!

It's so nice to finally have our big new shiny fridge.

And finally ... Peter, please note it has pride of place in the middle of the living room.

Mark's Movements

The one thing we don't have enough of here is storage. Lots of space but very little storage. Mark is off in Cairns at the moment getting a few flat packed storage cupboards to go in the laundry. We really need them if we are to unpack the last of our boxes. These hardware store runs are really eating into the budget. We must have spent $2000 since we got here just on hardware. I expect today's shopping excursion will come close to doubling that. On the upside, I have a very nice toolkit these days which is playing along nicely to my macho side ... stop laughing!!! If I play my cards right I might even be allowed to have a toolbelt. This morning he registered the car here in Queensland and hopefully will be able to get his QLD license while in Cairns.

He should also be grabbing me a stud finder so I can hang the paintings. Every time I try driving in a nail I end up running into a steel crossbeam. It's disturbing to think my inbuilt studfinding skills are no longer working. After all, it wasn't that long ago I found Mark.

The generator was making funny noises on Wednesday so we switched it off and called in Dave the deisel guy. We also have Brian the plumber guy, Nick the solar guy and Bob the gas guy. Anyway, I digress. Mark telling Dave what was wrong had me giggling.

"Mate. I looked at it and it looked at me but nothing happened. I have no idea."

Turns out it was just a broken fan belt which Dave replaced for us yesterday. Not before the battery level dropped below 65% though and the power shut down. I had to switch off all appliances except the fridge and reset the inverter.

Final Note

To everyone at Working Tech, I really enjoyed yesterday's phonecall. Keep them coming. And when are you bastards coming to visit?

Junior is vanishing. I have lost more than 3kgs already. I almost look respectable in a pair of speedos again.

Finally, just because I can, more puppy pics.

Yes Daphne really does chew rocks. Can't wait till she starts breathing fire as well.

Feeding time at the zoo

I don't think they're ever going to give the bed back